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Friday, May 30, 2008
Today, I felt really lousy. Yesterday there was this problem, a misunderstanding actually. And for some reason I was involved. It was like lucky draw like that. Suddenly people sms me saying that I've been insulted in public ( not public actually, more like the worldwideweb, a blog...). So I check out that person's blog, only to find out it was true. I never expected that person to do this kind of thing. Actually, that person just wrongly accussed me. The amazing thing was, he accussed me! I wouldn't even hurt a fly man! ( don't care about the previous line, I was just messing around )
So, one of the comment really made me realise how pathetic I am to be in my situation. Of course, I wouldn't tell you guys what the comment is, but I'll tell you how I felt after reading it. After reading it, I explained to that person ( let's just call him 'X' to avoid confusion ). So, I told X that I didn't write those shit about X. But X thought I was lying. So he argued back. And, to avoid an argument, I tried to play the innocent part, which is the biggest mistake ever! Totally made X damn bloody suspicious about me.
So, I explained my current situation to another friend ( we shall call this person 'Y' ) which totally gave X a piece of Y's mind. And so X apologized to me. Everything's back to normal now, all evidence have been erased. I didn't want anyone to know about it actually, but I figured as long as you guys didn't know about what was written, it was as good as not knowing anything.
The comment, like I said, seriously pushed me into another 'road'. I finally realised how stupid I was to cling onto something that will never happen. It was more of like on the desert, wishing for it to rain. Something that I know will never happen. Frankly speaking, after hearing this comment, seriously tore me down to shreds. This was one of the main reasons why I finally muster the courage to do something I would never ever do if I have never saw the comment.
I did something personal ok? Something really private. Ask me personally if you really need to know what it is.
So, I am still sad today. Tomorrow will be my younger cousin's birthday. I just hope I'll be in the mood tomorrow for a bit of partying. Hope Ahmad gets to come, I really need someone ,who know's about my current situation, to talk to. I was suppossed to follow my siblings to my grandparent's house today, but I wasn't in the mood. I'm praying my grandparents won't get upset. Praying real hard.
Will life change for me? Am I thinking too much of myself? What am I to do? Questions that can't be answered anymore. I've lost my confidence. I've lost my morale. I've lost my hope. I've lost my trust in people. All I have left is my faith. I may not be a wonderful guy, I may not be a good-looking person, but I didn't ask to be like this. I never. It's not my fault. My friends have been trying to cheer me up by saying things like "You have a good heart," or "You are 'pure' " but, will this really change the fact that I am just not good enough.
For two days, today and yesterday. I've been trying to get all the negative things people had thought about me. And I was shocked to see so many. I didn't mean to hurt some of you in anyway. I just like to mess around. One of my friends told me "Nawfal, you suck!" directly in my face. And what did I do? I couldn't do anything...I really am pathetic...
Just felt like I needed to blog about something. Ever had the feeling you've found your 'one in a million'?
After listening to the song, sung by Bossan, I kind of realised how others felt when they found theirs. Perhaps I have found mine? Here's the song for you to enjoy.
Lyrics:
You're one in a million
Oh
Now
You're one in a million
Oh
Sometimes love can hit you every day
Sometimes you can fall for everyone you see
Only one can really make me stay
A sign from the sky Said to me
[Chorus]
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us
[End of Chorus]
I've been looking for that special one
And I've been searching for someone to give my love
And when I thought that all the hope was gone
You smile, there you were and I was gone
I always will remember how I felt that day
A feeling indescribable to me
Yeah
I always knew there was an answer for my prayer
And you, you're the one, the one for me
[Chorus x 2]
I was cool and everything was possible
They tried to catch me but it wasn't possible
No one could hurt me it was my game
Until I met you baby and we're the same
And when you didn't want me, I wanted you
Because the finer thing about it was I like the show
I like it when its difficult I like it when it's hard
Finally....today...the last day of school for the term! 1 whole month of holidays are eagerly waiting for me!
Early in the morning had 'councillor's row call'. Mrs Sheri came in a bit late; 7.10am to be exact. Had the usual talks and she told us the 5 nominees who are going for the interview for being head. They are Charmian, Daniel, Bryan, Joleen and Hetty. Frankly speaking, I am really proud of them and thinks the Excos and Mrs Sheri had made the right decisions. I admit, I was a bit jealous, but I definitlely cannot do a better job. I can't wait for investiture for some reason. Perhaps it's because........( I'm not telling )
Then, had P.E. Mr San scolded 3/8 like mad because of a comment made by Nivash. "Take bus lah," I thought it was meant to be a joke but Mr San took it really seriously and got upset with 3/8. He was ok after that. Felt sorry for those 3/8 peeps. Mother Tongue class after P.E. New teacher, old teacher left... I miss the old teacher. The new teacher looks a bit fierce. But do remember, do not judge a book by it's cover. During Literature, Ms Shelia was busy collecting english files. Didn't do much, except filing. Kinda boring...
Recess was rubbish. Totally horrible. All the levels in one canteen and what do you get. NO FOOD! All I had was Milo and Mango Tea. Not even a slice of bread. So long the queue, makes people lazy to queue.
USE YOU HANDS CAMPAIGN: the main event for the day. Basically we cleaned up the classes and some areas around it, for example the railings. I think we all did a pretty good job for a bunch of teenagers. While we were all busy doing cleaning, Sufyan, Rayyan and Zuhaili from my class were having fun with Luqman and Ariff collecting rubbish. Don't know what's so fun about collecting rubbish. Ask them, they might know. We were told of our physics remedial next Monday soon after that. And we had our results slip back. I did pretty good this term. I ended up 5th in class! And 43rd in level! I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EYES WHEN I SAW MY SLIP!!! So, yeah, you guessed it, I boasted... a little... I think... I HOPE.... SORRY IF I HAVE HURT ANY OF YOU IN ANY WAY!!!
Went to the mosque for Friday Prayers, so hot...I was burning... I became a 'sweat-machine' sweating all over....( I know, it's freaking disgusting...be happy you didn't see me in that condition ) Rushed back to school for Oral Exams. As for Oral, Ms Lim Qing Yi ( my P.O.A teacher ) was my teacher-in-charge. I think I did pretty well, she did laugh a couple of times. Rayyan, Sufyan and Zuhaili seemed pretty down after their turn, they must've done badly, i felt sorry for them. Left school and went home. Just got scolding from dad because of something ( AGAIN, NOT SAYING ). A bit scared now. Shaking a bit but still brave enough to blog. Mum just called asking about my dad's mood. Wait till they see my result slip...I just hope they'll be proud of me. I did do pretty badly, only have 1 A1, 1 C6, 1 D7 and the rest are B3s and 4s.
Preparing my body to be lashed over a thousand times. To be trampled over indefinitely. To be physically deformed and disabled both physically and mentally.
I was thinking, many of us here have forgotten about the classics our parents or grandparents hear during their time. Here is one particular video which I want you all to watch and listen to...well, actually listen to, the video's not that important, but it has that extra 'kick' =) The song is called (Everything I Do) I Do It For You by Bryan Adams. I fell in love with this song quite sometime ago, and completely forgot the song. It was like as if it didn't even exist. But, thanks to someone, I listened to this song again, and it sank in pretty deep. I would like to share this song with you as I believe there are lots of things that we could understand from this song.
Lyrics: Look into my eyes, you will see What you mean to me Search your heart, search your soul And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth trying for You can't tell me it's not worth dying for You know it's true Everything I do, I do it for you
Look into your heart, you will find There's nothin' there to hide Take me as I am , take my life I would give it all, I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more You know it's true Everything I do, I do it for you
There's no love, like your love And no other, could give more love There's nowhere, unless you're there All the time, all the way Yea~!
~Soothing Guitar Solo~ (To your heart baby)
Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth trying for I can't help it, there's nothing I want more Yeah I would fight for you, I'd lie for you Walk the wire for you, yeah I'd die for you
Ya know it's true Everything I do, I do it for you
There is another song which I find we rarely hear nowadays. Drowning, Yes Drowning by Backstreet Boys. This is another song which I had sank into me quite some time ago and I kind of actually can connect to the song, for some particular reason.
Don't pretend you're sorry I know you're not You know you got the power To make me weak inside Girl you leave me breathless But it's okay 'cause You are my survival Now hear me say I can't imagine life Without your love Even forever don't seem Like long enough
'Cause everytime I breathe I take you in And my heart beats again Baby I can't help it You keep me Drowning in your love Everytime I try to rise above I'm swept away by love Baby I can't help it You keep me Drowning in your love
Maybe I'm a drifter Late at night 'Cause I long for the safety Of flowing freely In your arms I don't need another life line It's not for me 'Cause only you can save me Oh can't you see I can't imagine life Without your love And even forever don't seem Like long enough
'Cause everytime I breathe I take you in And my heart beats again Baby I can't help it You keep me Drowning in your love Everytime I try to rise above I'm swept away by love Baby I can't help it You keep me Drowning in your love
Go on and pull me under Cover me with dreams, yeah Love me mouth to mouth now You know I can't resist 'Cause you're the air That I breathe
Everytime I breathe I take you in And my heart beats again Baby I can't help it You keep me Drowning in your love Everytime I try to rise above I'm swept away by love And baby I can't help it You keep me Drowning your love
Baby I can't help it Keep me drowning In your love I keep drowning In your love Baby I can't help it Can't help it no, no
'Cause everytime I breathe I take you in And my heart beats again Baby I can't help it You keep me Drowning in your love Everytime I try to rise above I'm swept away by love Baby I can't help it You keep me Drowning in your love
Today...Seriously....ROCKZ...!!! Won't tell u all why, coz of certain reasons... but i m juz saying dat today...RULEZ Anyways....ppl have been saying my blogskin not nice la....outdated la....so i'm going to change soon....i juz hope de next one wud b btr 4 these ppl Met my primary school fren at da bus stop, wif his girl...ooooooooooooooooooooooooo damn hot ar she~~~! FRANKLY SPEAKING, I M DAMN BLOODY JEALOUS......!!! n for me, i dun find him good-looking...nor 'hot'...mayb coz i'm a guy n girlz have diff taste than us...but seriously....i dun realli find him like as if he's good-looking... i do noe he's a 'gangter' now...saw like...3 piercings....one on his nose,like bulldog, one on his tongue n one below the lips.. i do not noe y ppl tinks piercing are cool...could u? Well, so................................................ Gt nth else 2 sae... Write actually...... No wait...... It's actually TYPE..... Gt nth else to TYPE..... So.... c ya... n dun ask me bout my M.Y.E. results....
2dae....second last day of MYE!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Scared 2 bunch of ppl, darren chong's gang n darryl's gang. WE SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF THEM!!! So, how did we do it, basically, we saw dem loitering...in fact...darren's grp was loitering wif us. We, the malay boys( Me,Hidayat,Rayyan,Sufyan,Luqman,Zuhaili,Syafiq &Ariff ) were eating....n dey juz came....After we ate, we all decided 2 scare dem. So, we said..."OMG...MR SINGH!!!" n we ran as fast as we could...(juz 2 make it seem realistic) HAHAHA!!! THEIR REACTION!!! HAHAHA!!! SHOULD'VE RECORDED!!! THEY RAN IN ALL DIRECTIONS....THINKIN IT'S TRUE!!!
Den, we saw darryl's gang n decided 2 do de same...but dis time, we had someone ( Sufyan ) to actually do de Singh's Voice(Which is basically Mr Singh's version of shouting "BOYS!!!!). Sufyan's Singh's Voice was like MR SINGH!!! N DEY PANICKED N RAN!!! 1 EVEN FELL!!! HAHAHAAHAHAHA
2dae...has been a really wacky day 4 me!!! :)
N 2 all of u, hu wished me a happy bdae, THX 4 DE WISH!!!
P.S.:My bdae was like....2 days ago....no wait...3.....